I think the biggest change is just growing up. This morning, for example, was somewhat rough. I am living away from my parents, and going out and cleaning off the inches of snow from my car reminded me of that. I remember staying with Mom over Christmas break while I interned with DAQ. It had snowed one night, and when I went out to my car at 7am, Travers had gone out and cleaned it off for me before he left for work. Of course I appreciated it, but I don't think it meant as much to me as it should have, and as it would now. Paying bills, making dinner, and even cleaning snow are all things that as children we don't think about. It really isn't as much fun being an adult when you consider doing those things.
Another childhood memory has been gone for a while now. When my parents divorced, my sister and I spent Christmas Eve with my Mom, and Christmas morning with my Dad. He would let us help him make reindeer turds (no-bake cookies) and we would leave them for Santa with a cold pepsi... surely Santa was sick of milk and cookies! Chelsea and I would go to bed and then wake up really early in the morning to peak at the tree and see what Santa brought, then we would crawl back in bed only to wake up a couple of hours later. At that point, we would go in the living room and watch a movie "trying" not to wake Dad up (of course we weren't trying very hard). He would get up, fix his coffee, and we would gather around the tree and open presents. That was how it was for a very long time. It has changed now, with Dad living in Indiana and Chelsea and I in college. Matthew and I have a tree set up (it's actually the same one we used with Dad), and we get to spend Christmas morning together for the first time, but it doesn't feel the same. Maybe it's just the feeling of the lost tradition, or maybe it's knowing that there won't be surprises from Santa. I know that gifts and such are not what Christmas is about... but I do miss the way things use to be.
I feel sad thinking about how things have changed. I also, though, feel excitement for things to come. I know that eventually, Matthew and I will share Christmas as husband and wife, and then as a family. We will start our own traditions; combinations of his childhood and my own. Until that day, I will try to pull myself out of this fog, and enjoy the holiday season with my huge, but wonderful family, my fabulous boyfriend, and my amazing friends. Santa Clause or not, Christmas is for fellowship and rejoicing in the birth of our Savior, not moping around about the past. So I leave you with a line from probably the most random movie that I could quote right now, Kung Fu Panda. I feel it fits very nicely though.
"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. But today is a gift. That is why it
is called the present."
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