Faith

You are probably sick of George posts... sorry, but here is another one.

He is yo-yo-ing like crazy. One day he is moving a little bit and looking bright eyed. The next day, well, he lays around and won't even get up to go to the litterbox. He has another vet appointment in the morning, and I am scared to death she will tell me she can't do anything else for him. If she makes me choose to either bring him home and let him go here or to euthanize him... well, that is a decision I am not ready to make. I want him here with me, but I want him to be healthy. I do not want to put him through all the treatments and medicine anymore. I can tell he is very sore and weak from his illness, but he doesn't act like he is suffering.

I just don't know what to do... So I have decided to stop trying to make the decisions, and let God call the shots. He has shown himself to me so much in the past week, and I can't avoid knowing that I need to let go and let him take control. I have been praying for George, and God has taken care of him this far, so why shouldn't I trust him to continue to do so?

A good friend of mine works at the state with me. She is the sweetest woman ever, and always has a smile on her face. This summer, I noticed she was nowhere in sight. I asked around, only to find out she had been out since February with ovarian cancer. She came back to work today and eagerly shared her story with the entire division. She is literally a walking miracle. The doctors removed a tumor the size of a watermelon from her, and she has gone through six rounds of chemo. Her cancer is now in remission. God took care of her, and once again has proven himself as God (as if he even needs to!).

It is hard, but I am re-learning to trust Him and stop trying to control everything. I should accept His will for not only my life, but the lives of those around me. I know He is watching over George and me right now, and I now that he will take care of us.

Sorry for the random post. I'm just really stressed out right now. I hope to have really good news later this week...

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Hidden Treasure

There is a beautiful fortress hidden in Frankfort Kentucky. This place is tucked away in a corner of the town, and you have to know where to look to be able to find it. Cove Springs is amazing, and every visit brings back old memories, and creates new ones as well. I have come here with friends and family... also with boyfriends. It is the place where Matthew and I shared our first kiss. It is the place where I wandered aimlessly with only a camera at my side. It is the place the reminds me why I became a Christian in the first place.
There is no doubt in my mind that God exists. I do not understand how such wonderful places like Cove Springs could exist without him. Walking through the field or next to the river, all of the bad things disappeared. I felt really small, but in a good way. I have not been to church in years, with the exception of Easter and Christmas. I have recently realized, though, that just because I have put my relationship with God on the "back burner" so to say, he has not done the same with me. He has given me another beautiful day to spend with family and friends, and to admire his magnificent work. I see a lot of changes coming in my life, and I could not be more excited :)

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I can't blog in APA

That's right! This is my 100th post so be excited! I figured that I would make it, but I did not expect to be able to share it with others. If you were here (and if my town wasn't one big ice skating rink at the moment) we would totally go out for drinks to celebrate haha

I had a paper due this morning, so naturally I started writing it around 10pm last night. I am the world's worst (or best depending on how you look at it) at procrastinating. But anyway, I was writing my paper, and I realized that I was writing it the same way that I blog. I laughed at myself with this revelation. In my defense, the paper was an autobiography, which is pretty much what this blog is. It had to be in APA style, and I had to keep catching myself from using terms that were not necessarily technical (like "freaking out" for example...), so as I talked to Matthew last night about my paper, I made the statement that I can't blog in APA, and voila! This post was born. What a better way to celebrate 100 posts than by looking back at my writing and seeing how everything has changed.

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Memories

I don't know what it is about this holiday season, but for some reason I'm just not really feeling it this year. Christmas is a little over week away, and I just don't feel the excitement and joy that I use to. Maybe it has something to do with all the changes that I have gone through, and that this season has brought back many wonderful memories that unfortunately are just that... memories. I have decided to take some time and share these memories in hopes of bringing back the joy of Christmas that I once felt as a child.

I think the biggest change is just growing up. This morning, for example, was somewhat rough. I am living away from my parents, and going out and cleaning off the inches of snow from my car reminded me of that. I remember staying with Mom over Christmas break while I interned with DAQ. It had snowed one night, and when I went out to my car at 7am, Travers had gone out and cleaned it off for me before he left for work. Of course I appreciated it, but I don't think it meant as much to me as it should have, and as it would now. Paying bills, making dinner, and even cleaning snow are all things that as children we don't think about. It really isn't as much fun being an adult when you consider doing those things.

Another childhood memory has been gone for a while now. When my parents divorced, my sister and I spent Christmas Eve with my Mom, and Christmas morning with my Dad. He would let us help him make reindeer turds (no-bake cookies) and we would leave them for Santa with a cold pepsi... surely Santa was sick of milk and cookies! Chelsea and I would go to bed and then wake up really early in the morning to peak at the tree and see what Santa brought, then we would crawl back in bed only to wake up a couple of hours later. At that point, we would go in the living room and watch a movie "trying" not to wake Dad up (of course we weren't trying very hard). He would get up, fix his coffee, and we would gather around the tree and open presents. That was how it was for a very long time. It has changed now, with Dad living in Indiana and Chelsea and I in college. Matthew and I have a tree set up (it's actually the same one we used with Dad), and we get to spend Christmas morning together for the first time, but it doesn't feel the same. Maybe it's just the feeling of the lost tradition, or maybe it's knowing that there won't be surprises from Santa. I know that gifts and such are not what Christmas is about... but I do miss the way things use to be.

I feel sad thinking about how things have changed. I also, though, feel excitement for things to come. I know that eventually, Matthew and I will share Christmas as husband and wife, and then as a family. We will start our own traditions; combinations of his childhood and my own. Until that day, I will try to pull myself out of this fog, and enjoy the holiday season with my huge, but wonderful family, my fabulous boyfriend, and my amazing friends. Santa Clause or not, Christmas is for fellowship and rejoicing in the birth of our Savior, not moping around about the past. So I leave you with a line from probably the most random movie that I could quote right now, Kung Fu Panda. I feel it fits very nicely though.

"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. But today is a gift. That is why it
is called the present."

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Hooray for Fall!

I am totally enjoying the weather today! I love sweatshirt weather.... or even when I can wear a long sleeve shirt and still be comfortable. It's great. Along with the change in temperature comes a change of thought and inspiration for me. Fall is very inspiring for many things, and walking to work this morning I started to think about things...

I was looking at the trees on my path. They have not really started to change yet, although a couple of leaves here and there have a slight orange tinge. Looking out my window right now I notice the trees and bushes in the parking lot beginning to turn a beautiful shade of red. I got to thinking, though, how beautiful fall is with the change of colors, and why those changes do occur. The leaves change, die, and fall off the tree. Death is always associated with negative thoughts and emotions. However, those leaves die after the most beautiful moments of their little lives. Perhaps death should not be something to fear and cry about. We should remember the beautiful moments before the death instead of the event itself. After all, it is bound to happen to everyone. No one gets out of this life alive, so why not enjoy the beauty?

These thoughts come after the birthday of my Nanny. Her birthday would have been Monday, so this post is for her.

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Slacking

So I haven't posted in a couple of days... probably because there hasn't been much to blog about. I am still trying to catch up on some sleep from my exciting, but oh so exhausting weekend. Luckily, I have the next two days off! (So very excited :D )

Since I don't have any experiences to talk(or type in this case) about, I did come across something interesting to share. Yesterday, Matthew and I were at his parents house. They are setting up for the 127 yard sale, and wanted him to go through some of his stuff. While digging through boxes and plastic bins, we came across a box full of N64 games, a playstation, and other things like that. Now, I remember when the playstation came out. I was in the 4th grade. It was such a huge deal then, but now with the PS2 and the fairly new PS3, the playstation is old news. I can imagine in maybe 5 years, even the PS3 will be forgotten. When our children are old enough to play video games, the playstation, and probably even the PS2 we own, will be to them like the atari is to us... old technology, and old news. That is life, though... the things we make such huge deals about will eventually be not so big, and end up being just junk in the attic.

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