Results.

I received an email this morning from the counseling department at UK. It contained my MS Comp Exam results.....



Basically.... I PASSED!!!!!!

It feels amazing to be finished! I'll have my degree in August :)  I'm so excited.  I was expecting a lot worse, or at the very least to have to remediate.  I can't believe that I passed without any extra work. I feel like a weight has been lifted!!!

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Overwhelmed.

My schedule for the week is literally packed to the brim Tuesday-Thursday. This semester is going to totally kick my butt.

I got a new practicum site for the semester working with adult education. I think it will be a really great experience. At the moment I have three problems, though, with the site... one of which will be settled within the next week. The other two, unfortunately, are permanent.

1. Location. My site is 60 miles from my house, so roughly 48 minutes. Not amazing, but bearable. Unfortunately, it is an hour and ~8 minutes from campus, which is where I'll be heading to/from most of the week to/from my site. Oh the joys of being a grad student.
2. Scheduling. They are only open during 3 1/2 hour blocks and only available for me three days of the week. One of those days I'm unavailable so I have to squeeze my time driving back and forth two days of the week. (one of those days I have to make the trip twice!). Because of the conflicts, I will not have all my hours by the end of the semester so I'll have to make it up over the summer. yay.
3. Because the site works with the school system, I have to get a background check, med exam, and a TB test. triple yay. I can't get a hold of anyone about the background check, and my doctor can't get me in until next Friday for an exam. I was planning on starting next week but I can't start until I have all of the above. Ugh.

Other than these things I think I will get an excellent experience this semester and am excited to begin. And the site can't help any of these things so I'm not blaming anyone. I just worry I've bitten off too much. This semester I'm teaching 5 sections of the intro psych class (5 sections is standard for a full TA position) along with taking 3 classes, all of which have required readings that I'll actually be held accountable for. Thank goodness I get a three day weekend each week and only have one class on Mondays!  My Outlook calendar is scary looking at the moment so it is very overwhelming, but I know I need to take things one day at a time and eventually I'll get through it.

I found this prayer online and it is one I'm going to need to pray a lot this semester!!
Dear Heavenly Father,

 Thank you for being the God who never sleeps. Thank you for always being here for me, even when I'm not always here for you. Thank you that you are Love and that you want the very best for me. Thank you for your promises and that you never change. I am feeling totally overwhelmed. Please help me. Help me to rest in the fact that you know what is best for me. Forgive me for turning away from you and trying to control the outcome in situations in my life. The Bible says that you are not the God of confusion but of peace. Help me to rest in your love and to feel the peace of Christ which passes all understanding. Help me to feel your love and comfort. Help me to be still and know that you are God and that you will take care of me, just like any loving parent takes care of their children. Your Word says to cast all of our anxiety on you because you care for us. I turn all of my burdens and concerns over to you. Please guide my every step and help me to be attentive to your loving direction.

In the name of your Son and our Savior Jesus,
Amen

Matthew 19:26- "But Jesus looked at them and said, 'With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.'"

I don't know about you, but I feel better :)

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Debbie Downer.

I have a fear that I am going to become very sick over the next week or two.  Now, I know that this is slightly irrational, only, it isn't.  You see, last week (Thursday and Friday to be exact) is snowed in Kentucky. Not a huge snow storm and zero accumulation, but still fluffy flakes falling from the sky.  Today, however, was in the low 70s temperature wise.  That's a four day difference, and ridiculous for November! My sinuses can only take so much and this change from hot to cold to hot back to cold is not helping!

In other, more serious news, I've had a pretty rough semester emotionally.  Just when I think I'm pulling myself out of a slump something else comes around that knocks me right back into it.  At the moment I am working on a paper/presentation due tomorrow.  Unfortunately, the subject is a sensitive one due to recent events.  Due to confidentiality constraints I cannot discuss details, but basically I screwed up (so did my supervisor, but I should have known better).  I have what I need for the paper, but typing up all this information is a constant reminder of my mess up and how much it affected another person.  It kills me that I didn't think about what I was really doing and made the assumption that everything was ok.  I guess what they say about making assumptions is true.  I just need to get this paper done and the presentation over with, but that is so difficult when I'm being so hard on myself. 

It doesn't help either that I miss my husband so much.  When I get in these slumps it always helps to have him around.  I hardly get to see him except for a couple of minutes in the morning and maybe a half hour in the evenings before one of us goes to bed.  Being so close to the holidays doesn't help because his hours are longer and later during the holidays.  What I would give for him to have a regular hour job... you know, Monday through Friday, 8-4:30 or whatever.  I would absolutely LOVE to have a full day with him, or to even be able to make plans for a weekend or an evening without having to worry about his work schedule.  Two months of marriage and I still feel like we are dating because we are hardly ever together. DO. NOT. LIKE!

Well, this turned into a rant... I guess I needed to vent.  Now back to work on this stupid paper.

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Switzerland

"I believe that. But I want you to know something — when it comes to all this enemies nonsense, I’m out. I am a neutral country. I am Switzerland. I refuse to be affected by territorial disputes between mythical creatures. Jacob is family. You are… well, not exactly the love of my life, because I expect to love you for much longer than that. The love of my existence. I don’t care who’s a werewolf and who’s a vampire. If Angela turns out to be a witch, she can join the party, too."  -Bella Swan, Eclipse

You all already know how much I enjoy my Twilight. Well, I have never related to Bella as much as I do now. My tiny cohort of 10 is breaking apart at the seams, and it is apparent sides will have to be chosen. The bestie and I are stuck. We want to get along with everyone, get our degree, and get the hell out of there. Unfortunately, it isn't looking like that is possible. Being friends with some people will automatically put me on one side or the other. While it isn't a fight for true love, it is still difficult. What if I don't want to choose? What if I want to keep my ties with everyone and let them settle their own differences? Why is it that I am so affected by all of the drama when I'm not even a part of it? Ugh!!

Only another week and a half of classes, then finals and I'm done until the fall. I swear it can't come soon enough. 

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Whirlwind.

These past few weeks have been, well, interesting to say the least.  There has been so much going on, I feel like I'm drowning.

I guess the first major thing is just disappointment.  I have this in a few areas of my life right now, but I guess the biggest one is family.  As you know (if you read my last post) my cousin was in the hospital.  Turns out she is ok, and she got to go home yesterday.  The only thing was I had to take her home, which happens to be an hour and a half from Lexington.  Since I'm the only family member in Lexington, everyone expected me to be the one to visit her everyday and check on her and report back.  Usually I wouldn't mind, but like everyone else I have things I have to do as well, like that little thing called being a grad student.  I don't want to sound like I was inconvenienced by having to take care of her. It's not that at all.  I just wish I would have had more help.  And not my mom is lying to me about her childish games.  It's all just so frustrating.  I mean, who can you trust if you can't trust your own mother??

Another disappointment is with some of my classmates.  There has been a lot of drama in our group.  Basically, we are all separated out into different "cliques" and it really sucks.  I hear what some people are saying about other people, and I can't help but wonder what is being said about me behind my back.  I'm so sick of it all. We are in grad school people.  Is the middle school drama really necessary??  I don't think so.  The good news is that I'm getting to know other people (the ones who DON'T talk about other people) better.  I think this is a really good move for me.

To add on to everything, I just don't feel safe where Matthew and I are living right now.  Our landlord installed security cameras in the parking lot, which should technically make me feel better, but the fact that there is a reason for them freaks me out.  Cars have been getting broken into a lot lately, including multiple attempts into Matthew's truck.  His alarm has gone off a few times.  There are also some scrapes on his tires like someone tried to slash them.  And yesterday he noticed where someone tried to put something inside his door to hit the unlock button.  There are scrapes in the pain on his door, and the lining around top part of the window is pushed down as if they had something pushed in there as leverage to hold the gap open.  His console on his door where the buttons are was pushed up and cracked.  I think they were after his stereo, so thankfully we figured out how to get the faceplate off.  Hopefully that will help prevent future attempts.  There was also an armed robbery on campus a few days ago.  I'm just SOOO ready to get out of Lexington. We are looking at Versailles and Nicholasville right now as possible future homes.

So anyway, this is what my world has been like for the last week or so.  Right now Matthew is making a late-night run to Meijer to pick up some groceries.  I got a starter for Amish cinnamon bread over Easter, and I thought we had everything to make it so I sent out an email to my classmates asking who all wanted a starter.  So now I have at least two people expecting a starter and I didn't have the stuff for it.  Bless his heart he is so good to me.  He went to Kroger first, but they closed early for inventory. Go figure.  At least he will get some yummy bread out of the deal!

Ugh. Here's hoping next week is better!!!!

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Off to a fantastic start

The title of this post should be read as if it were dripping with sarcasm. Because it is.

I actually gained weight this week! only .4lbs, but still. Bummer.

I think it may have something to do with all the exercise I got this weekend. It was a lot for me, and I think my body is having trouble adjusting and is retaining water. Hopefully I will see a big loss next week.

I have to run to campus tomorrow for books and a TA meeting. It wouldn't be so bad, but Matthew's truck is having issues so I have to work around his schedule as well. His classes started today (and went well) and mine start on Wednesday. I actually just dropped one of my classes because I realize my courseload is going to be huge, and I have to teach and grade a ton of research papers. Hopefully dropping the class will make things easier for me.

I'm going to go get some stuff together for tomorrow. Have a wonderful night! Oh, and don't forget about American Idol tomorrow night :D

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Announcement

I loathe the last week of classes.

Seriously.

That is all.

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Yucky Day

What a fantastic start to my newest goal. Today has been pretty yuck for the most part.

First, the Bestie is still in a bad mood. I think I might have done something, but I have no clue. We go through these phases when we just get on each others nerves. I think we just need a few days apart, and all will be well later.

Second, I woke up with a sore throat! I'm not sure if I am coming down with something, or if it is due to my wisdom teeth coming in. I should really go to the dentist and get them pulled, but who can afford that right now! I'm hoping it is just my teeth because I can't afford to get sick right now. There is way too much going on with only a month or so left of classes.

Third, I'm afraid I'm getting pulled into something I would rather stay out of. There is a confrontation between some of my classmates, and I was there to witness it. Even today, they were trying to pull me to one side or the other. My response was simply that I would rather stay out of it and that it is between them. I just want to get my degree and be done. I don't want to make enemies, etc. It is so frustrating!!

Alright, so that is all I'm going to complain about right now. My classes went ok, and my counseling session went pretty well. I'm still getting use to the attending skills, but I really think I am getting better!

I'm off now to finish another paper and wait for Matthew to get home from class. I hope tomorrow is better!

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Emotions

Today has been a relatively uneventful day, although not necessarily in a good way. I've been trying to decide what to post all day, so this will be quite random.

First, the things that suck right now:

• My mom told me first thing this morning that my rabbit died. You can check out this post for a picture of poor little Caddy-bug :( Of course this brought back memories of George too. It never really ends.
  
• It is crazy cold outside... I want fall, not winter!!!
• I need to write a paper this week, and it just isn't happening.
  
• I cannot seem to get enough sleep! Grad school has completely thrown off my sleep cycle which seems to keep me in a grumpy mood. Christmas break please!!!!
  

So now onto things that don't suck:

• Matthew says he is close to buying a ring!!!! It probably won't be the one I posted about earlier since the diamonds are not very good quality, but like I said, I will gladly take whatever if it means we are getting married :)
• I got some cleaning done today. I still have a long way to go, but it feels good to have actually accomplished something.
• Wednesday night, I am leaving to go to my Dad's to puppy-sit. I'll come back on Thursday for a little bit to help the bestie proctor an exam (and I may stay for class but who knows) and then I will go back up until Sunday. I'm very excited to see Oscar. I'm taking him with me to the pumpkin patch on Saturday so I plan on taking lots and lots of pictures! Staying up there will also give me a lot of time to catch up on school work and study for my only midterm.... or, you know, blog... whatevs.
• I now have a follower on Twitter! haha, it seems so small, but I have had that thing for who knows how long and never had a follower. So thank you to my "personal stalker" :D

So that is it for now. I figured I should lay off the youtube posts until Wednesday. I do want to give a review on the new bsb cd, but I think that will have to wait for another night.

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Stress and comfort food.

This week has been interesting to say the least. I have found myself quite overwhelmed most of the week and wondering if I have bitten off more than I can chew. (*Warning, this may turn into a rant. If you wish you can skip on down to some really good recipes. You have been warned). I am currently taking 12 hours, which is the maximum you can take as a grad student. I also have three jobs: Office manager, grader, and babysitter. I think the office manager position causes the most stress of the three because it has the least amount of structure. The grader thing isn't hard, but the class I grade for has close to (if not over) 100 students. Imagine quizzes roughly every week having to grade and then post said grades. I also got an extra credit assignment which was interesting but 100 of them got old fast. (Just in case you are curious they had to break a social norm... yep, everything from standing the wrong way on an elevator to making their own sandwich at Subway. entertaining...). The babysitting thing is relatively easy but it is another 3 or 4 hours added to my day. So currently I have meetings, therapy, work, etc. every Monday through Thursday night keeping me out until 9:30 or so. Can you see why I'm a little overwhelmed?

Anywho, on to the fun stuff. I blogged earlier about Hungrygirl.com. If you didn't go there, shame on you (haha.. jk). So go on over there and sign up for the emails.

It's ok... I can wait....

Alright, did you do it? Good. Now let's continue.

Yesterday the email was all about chicken. There was a recipe for chicken cordon bleu which I just HAD to try... so I did. (You can click the link to see the recipe and scroll down.. I'm feeling lazy today). It was delicious and super easy. (Sorry, I know it isn't veggie... your time will come in a minute though!). I got a pack of 3 chicken breasts. I figured one for Matthew and one for me, then Matthew could eat the other one today. I let him beat the chicken thin then I salt and peppered them, spread on the cheese, layered three slices of ham on each, rolled them and cooked them. They took roughly 35 minutes to bake and were so tender I could cut them with a fork!

For the side dish I used another HG recipe known as apple slaw. This was also super easy to make and pretty tasty. It's also a good way to get in your fruit, veggies, and dairy... you know, your classic two bird one stone scenario. (except in this case it would be three birds right? ah forget it, you get the idea). You can find this recipe here. Just scroll down and it is the second recipe on the page :)

I know I usually post pics, but it all just smelled too good that I forgot. Sorry!

So what have you been up to this week?

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"Inconceivable"

It is now 8:31 according to my alarm clock and I am finished with my paper! I can't tell you the last time I finished a paper before 9pm the day before it was due. I'm not sure what has gotten into me, but I hope it sticks around for another year or so!

In other grad school news, I had my first "techniques" class today. This class is going to kick my butt for sure. By the end of the semester I will have written roughly 40 pages worth of papers, sat in on 5 sessions of group therapy, completed 7 interview sessions, and videotaped 5 counseling sessions which the ENTIRE CLASS WILL WATCH. If you couldn't tell, I'm freaking out most about that last part. I completely understand the reasoning behind it. It will be good constructive criticism for something I plan on making a career out of... blah blah blah. I absolutely do NOT want to watch myself on video. I have no problems letting everyone else watch but I don't want to be there. That probably makes no sense, but I totally get it haha

Enough ranting for now though. I need to proof my paper (hey, old habits die hard) and read for class tomorrow. Taking mom to breakfast in the morning before a chiropractor appointment, then work, then class. Should be fun (at least the bfast part anyway...)

*Don't you just lurve the Princess Bride??

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Back in the Groove

It has been surprisingly easy to fall back into the old school routine. With that I of course mean that procrastinating is as easy as ever. (Phew.. I thought I might forget how to do it! haha).

I have my first paper due this week. It isn't a big deal and it does not have to be in APA. It is simply a personal reflection paper. I have to talk about my values and what is important to me as well as events in my life that have made me that way. I also have to somehow connect it to theory and counseling. That last part is the hard part. I guess my blogger's block has spread out beyond my blog. Crap.

So let's look at the positive here shall we?

My paper is due on Wednesday, and I started it around 10:30 last night (I actually wrote the first paragraph, which everyone knows is the hardest one to write). That is definitely an improvement over my previous work habits.

Yesterday I got organized and went through my school email to clean up and have it all forwarded to my gmail so I can check it on my phone. I had been meaning to do it for a while. It is amazing what one can accomplish when trying to avoid homework.

On that same note I also gave my blog a nice little facelift. So what do you think?

I guess that is enough for now. I really need to work on paragraph numero dos....

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I'm an adult... when did that happen and how do I make it stop?

So I guess it is official. I am a graduate student. wow.

It didn't really hit me today until the 9 of us first-year counseling masters people were sitting in class discussing why people change and why theories are important. The class is 2.5 hours long. Undergraduate classes are typically 50 minutes long on Wednesdays, so about 50mins into our class the undergrads walked by the door talking on their way to wherever it is that they need to go. The moment just felt so adult to me. Maybe its one of those had-to-be-there things.

My new job is kicking my butt. I don't see how people do it on an everyday basis! I will never underestimate the powers of an office manager... like, ever. I have two claims that were denied that I must fight (both of which have happened before!). It is a mess, and there is so much to do. It is intimidating and I have never done work like this before. It doesn't help that I was pretty much thrown into the fire with only 6 hours of training for a job it took the previous office manager three years to master. It will be a good experience for me though. Perhaps I need to learn that it is ok to make mistakes. Better to learn this lesson now than later I guess.

Part of me still wants to move back home and pretend I'm still 13.... Being an adult isn't as much fun as I had thought it would be.

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I'm back!

I took a little bloggy-vacation. Hope you don't mind! Sometimes you just need a break.

Anywhoodle, we have much to catch up on! This past Wednesday was a very interesting (in a good way) day. Before I get into it though, I need to back up a couple of days.

I am listed on a listserv for counseling psychology for school. A little while ago an email popped up about an office manager position for a private practice psychological firm downtown. I ignored it because the work schedule listed clashed with my class schedule. About a month later, the email appeared again because the position hadn't been filled. Without an assistantship, I really needed a job, so I sent an email with my class schedule asking if I could still be considered. I got an email within the next week asking if I could come in for an interview on Wednesday. I agreed.

So now you are all caught up... So Wednesday I went to work, then left early to come home and get ready. I had bought a new outfit because I really didn't have any interview clothes. I show up and soon realize that I was WAY overdressed. The business is located in an old house downtown. I was instantly nervous as I walked in and heard Cher's "Believe" in the background. Eeek. Twas all good though. I finally got to meet with the current office manager, and eventually the two doctors I would in theory be working with. I won't get into detail, but at the end of the interview they told me I would know something within a week and that it "looked promising." An hour later I got a phone call telling me I got the position! It will keep me busy, but it will be worth it for the experience at least.

More good news from Wednesday started with an email to the professor I worked with as a research assistant. I emailed him before my interview to ask if I could use him as a reference. He told me "of course" and also that he was able to secure a grader position for me! I got a job and an assistantship all in one day! The grader position isn't much, but it is a foot in the door at least so hopefully I can get a better (or at least higher paying) position next semester :)

So that is what has been happening here within the last week. I finished another book, so I think I will have that review tomorrow. I will also hopefully have some more really good news for you tomorrow, but you will just have to weight and see....

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My Apologies

I am a horrible, horrible blogger friends, and I certainly hope you can forgive me. I finally made my decision regarding grad school, and I completely forgot to post it! I didn't mean to leave you hanging, I promise! So, here goes:



I have always been, and forever will be........

A Kentucky Wildcat!

That's right, I'm sticking around here :) Matthew will be starting school with me in the fall, and we could not be more excited! It feels so good to have made a decision, and I'm not feeling the weird gut thing telling me I'm making the wrong decision. So please forgive me for my forgetfulness! I will try harder next time, promise :D

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Dilemma

I have been trying to decide how and when to write this post. I have A LOT on my mind right now, and I need to sort everything out... what better way than to type it up. Maybe you guys can help me straighten this mess out. Warning, this is a very long post that might be a little dry....

So here is the deal. I got accepted to all three programs that I applied for. I have ruled out EKU because they just don't seem to have their crap together (I am definitely unorganized enough for the both of us...) so that leaves UK and UoL. I have talked to people from both programs and it seems that the education will be about the same. UK has more flexibility within the program (I can get my Masters or continue on for licensure or even a Ph.D if I so desired) and UoL is strictly for licensure as a psychological associate. I was planning on getting my LPC (licensed psychological counselor.... I think) but the two ultimately equal the same thing. Also, the LPA is more accepted than the LPC. Other than that, the programs are practically identical.

The biggest concern, though, is my relationship with Matthew. We really want to start our lives together, but cannot afford it right now. I want to make the decision that will give us the best outcome in the end, even if that means struggling through a couple of years. I think he is willing to go back to school, so that helps SOOO much. If I stay at UK, we can continue to live together, but we will not really be able to save up money. (Also, I really need an assistantship to pay my way through school, and they are few and far between at UK. UofL will be a lot easier to get an assistantship) If I go to UoL, he may or may not follow me up there. I would live with my dad (we're talking the entire basement for my own personal bachlorette pad lol), and he may be able to find an apartment close to campus and a Best Buy. We would see each other so much more than if he stays in Lexington and I go to Louisville. Also, we would both be able to save up some money. In that case, we would be able to begin our lives shortly after completing our degrees. I would love to be married, settled into our own home, and have kids before I'm 30... I think that is a realistic goal, especially if he goes back to school. I just don't know what I really want to do. I have this gut feeling that keeps pulling me toward UoL, and I have no clue why. I need to step out of my comfort zone. There is not always going to be someone there to hold my hand, and I need to learn to adjust and accomplish things on my own as a part of growing up.

Who knows......

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Another one

I have always been the kind of girl to go with the flow. I never wanted to do things that no one else was willing to do first. The Bestie is the opposite. She knows what needs to be done, and she does it with confidence and grace. Perhaps that is why we get along so well. She would figure out how to do things, and I would go with what she said. Together, we would get things accomplished. I'm very insecure with myself at times, so it was nice to have someone to "compare" with, especially when applying to grad school. I knew that she would have all the information we needed, and I went with it.

I did, however, decide that I needed to do something for myself, on my own. The bestie and I applied to UK's program, and EKU's program. I also applied to UoL's program on my own. My dad lives close by, so I figured that if I decided to go there I could move back home and commute. I found the information, filled out the application, made the phone calls, and sent everything in. I was proud of myself for my minor accomplishment. At least until I got a phone call from UoL over spring break asking why I had applied to one program and not another... I pretty much blew that call. I just knew that I was not going to be accepted. That's what I get for stepping out, and at least I have UK's acceptance.

Today, I got accepted to UoL's counseling program. It is so much more to me than just being accepted. It was that I put in the time and effort on my own, and was successful. Maybe I do have a chance at this life after all. I still have not heard from EKU yet, but I still have a major decision to make. This decision could be life-altering, and that is a lot on my shoulders at the moment. I will probably post about that in a little bit, but for now.... I celebrate :)

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I was thinking...

Just some random thoughts for the moment.

I can't believe I came in the lab this morning to find a no-show at 8am. Even better, my 9:30 participant was nearly 10 minutes late, and my 11:00 is another no-show. I realize that spring break is near, but we still have all of next week. I do not have any sign ups for next Friday, which I expect, but c'mon! So I've been here all day long and have only run one participant. What a waste of my Friday. I think I'm going to skip out an hour early and go to work so I can be finished at 2 instead of 3. I'm so ready for the weekend!

By the way, guess what!


I GOT IN TO THE PROGRAM!!!!!!!

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I'm not in Kansas anymore...

There is still no news on my grad school applications. It is quite frustrating to be told I would have found out last week, then yesterday, and still not hearing anything. Every time I try to call, I get a busy signal. I guess all the other candidates have the same idea.

Yesterday was quite a busy day. The title of this post has to do with the condition that my apartment was in yesterday as of 8pm. Since there are no words to describe the destruction, I took pictures.

What, you may ask, has such power to leave such a horrible trail of destruction? Well, it wasn't the tornado that tore Dorothy and Toto away from Kansas. No such luck. It was a very happy, very energetic 1yr old girl. I did not think that such a small person could do so much damage! She had SO much energy... it was insane. I slept very good last night, and I'm sure she did too! I don't really mind the mess though. Matthew and I got everything cleaned up within 15minutes after she left. Whatever keeps her happy :)

I just thought this was appropriate :D

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Too Much

You know you are way too stressed out when you are freaking out in your sleep. I woke up this morning nauseated because I had been dreaming about all this grad school stuff and the paper I have due this morning. Getting up at 5 to write the last 2 and 1/2 pages of a four page paper due at 9 was not my most brilliant idea. I finished it, and I'm on campus now. My class doesn't start for another hour, but I need to work on my personal statement for UoL (which can't have personal stuff in it... wtc). The deadline is Sunday and I'm screaming on the inside because they still haven't gotten stuff I sent over a week ago. I'm scared to death they won't have everything on time, and my attempts at emailing someone over there failed miserably. I'm sure it will all be ok... right? I'm freaking out.....

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